where i've been

it's taken awhile for me to come to this point in my raw journey.

i started consciously adding lots of raw foods in the summer of '08 after spending a year in spain. my year in spain was filled with bread, cheese and other nasty stuff and my body was not liking it. i would often go to bed early and not want to get out of bed when the alarm went off 10 or 12 hours later. i was a mess. but, i thought i was "living the life". weekends were spent at the bar enjoying fine spanish wine and dining on tapas...but my body paid the price. 10 months of such abuse left me tired, chunky, frustrated and slightly depressed.

i had always been "health conscious" in the past. i was a soy eating near vegetarian in college. and after eating desserts every night my freshman year, i cut those out...i had never really had that much of a sweet tooth. it was just something about having all of that freedom to eat whatever i wanted...

so, i got home in july of '08 and started on the green smoothies. previously, breakfast had always been a tofu shake: tofu, soymilk and fruit. i thought it was the healthiest thing in the world! yikes!

i was high raw throughout the summer...my cooked indulgences would be tortilla chips, quinoa, rice pasta with sauce, hummus. the thought of returning to spain in sept. of '08 was daunting...considering what happened last time. but, i was determined! i was determined to "do it right" this time, no matter what anyone thought.

i started out quite well...eating cooked only for social situations. i went through periods of low fat raw, other times eating more nuts....fast forward to january of '09 when i made the conscious effort to do 80/10/10 which turned out to be more like 90/5/5...i decided to restrict fat intake and seriously wanted to go to banana island. however, the fruit situation is not as nice as it could be around here.

i probably ate half of my daily calories from bananas and also ate other fruit and leafy greens. i was eating about 2000 calories a day as that's what was suggested to me from the 811 crew. well, after 2 weeks of constipation i broke down. i had somewhat of a "mini crisis" and thought raw was just not for me.

i decided that next day i would cook myself up some quinoa. i did, and it tasted divine...so, after some quinoa i ate millet...then i was eating rice pasta with sauce...lentils, steamed veggies, rice cakes, pb.....

after 18 days cooked i could tell it just wasn't working. march 2, 2009 i decided that i needed to go raw again. not so i could call myself a raw vegan, not to be different--but to thrive. i had lost that spark. even when i was doing strict 811 and eating 2000 calories a day i had felt pretty good. there got to be a point where i almost felt too good and i got scared.

i was scared that i would discover my true potential. i joke that i was reaching nirvana, but i seriously was thinking and feeling so different. i was actually considering selling all of my stuff and just moving to a tropical island somewhere to live day by day by the sea, picking fruit from the trees! i felt like i couldn't relate to the world or the people surrounding me because they were so superficial. whether it was the $80 make up they wanted to buy or the fact that they would eat pizza and sweets and then get a headache and not understand why...it was just all so foreign to me. they had other thoughts and preocupations....and all i could think about was living in the garden of eden. living off of the land as it was suppose to be.

it was very difficult to relate even to my family. i longed for someone to share these thoughts with, but only having an online community is very tough. and as i mentioned before certain things weren't working (constipation, a little spacey, not being about to concentrate on school work--always dreaming of that tropical island, etc.).

so, as i was saying...march 2 marked the transition point once again and i've been 100%. BUT i allowed myself to let go of the label before i "went raw". i said that if i want to eat something cooked, i can...but i'll have to be willing to accept the consequences. for me, it's never been easier to stay raw. i don't want anything cooked because it just doesn't have that life force and it can't serve me. before i wouldn't allow myself...now i say, you know what, you can have whatever you want...but i've realized i'd rather choose food that fuels me well.

lately i've still been low fat raw, but i'm not cramming down the calories. most days i eat around 1400 calories and many days are without overt fats. but it's comfortable (and i'm not constipated! haha). i feel good. i have energy, yet i'm grounded. i am happy, excited about the future, but also able to concentrate on the present.

i've found a spot that's really comfortable. i'm raw and i love it. but being raw doesn't define me. yet at the same time, being raw is really a lifestyle...it's no diet in the typical sense of the word. because when you go raw something magical happens...you shed layers and layers of unwanted stuff....feelings, emotions that had been bottled up for years come to the surface. after working through that tough stuff you come out on the other side renewed and refreshed--a new person. and i really like the new person i've become. i feel blessed, comfortable, powerful, renewed, optimistic...and euphoric! hence, raw euphoria.

feeling euphoric while eating raw food is quite common. there's just such a sense of happiness and goodwill that it's hard not to shout out to the world. so, here i will share my journey for others...i hope to stay inspired and perhaps i'll even inspire you. welcome to my raw journey, welcome to my life.